### Life Is Just a Series of Story Problems

Sep. 12th, 2013 06:26 pmProblem #1. Geoviki's house was bombarded by hail and rain at 3 pm on Monday. Geoviki's basement began to flood at 6 pm on Tuesday. How many hours did it take for all the water falling from the sky to percolate down to her foundation? [answer: 27 hours]

Problem #2. Geoviki's wet-dry vacuum holds 8 gallons of water before it needs to be manually shut off and emptied. If Geoviki has to empty her wet-dry vac 3 times an hour, how much water is seeping into her basement per hour? [answer: 24 gallons]

Problem #3. If it has been flooding since 6 pm on Tuesday and it is now 6 pm on Thursday, how many times has Geoviki or Mr Geoviki has to empty that fucking wet-dry vac? [answer: we've lost track. Dozens and dozens.]

Problem #4. Geoviki has narrowed down one major point of water entry to a 12" gap in the storage room foundation. If Geoviki puts the shop vac nozzle there, she can fill the wet-dry vac in 4 minutes flat. How much water can Geoviki extract this way? [answer: 120 gallons per hour. However, it takes 180 seconds to detach the hose, snap off the top, roll the tank to the sink, scoop out the water, then reassemble, so her mileage may vary.]

Problem #5. At 120 gallons per hour, how long before Geoviki can suck dry the entire city of Lakewood through a 12-inch crack in her foundation? [answer: the experiment continues]

Problem #6. By rapidly repeating the 4-minute method described above, we can dry up enough of the hidden water supply to extend the time before the wet-dry vac must be manually shut off. How much time can Mr. Geoviki sequentially sleep before he must wake up and empty the POS wet-dry vac? [answer: 90 minutes if he's lucky.]

Problem #7: If it has been heavily raining almost the entire flood time, how big is the underground reservoir of flood water that Geoviki must suck up? [answer: a whole fucking ocean full]

Problem #8. Mr Geoviki went to the store today and bought a new wet-dry vac to which he can attach a garden hose. This means he can run the hose directly down the floor drain and never have to empty the tank. It can be left to drain the crack all day and all night. He paid $105. for this item. Did he get a good deal? [answer: OMG, Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!]

Problem #9. The relative humidity outside is 100%. The relative humidity in Geoviki's basement is 100%. Hw many minutes does it take before Geoviki is dripping sweat while sucking up water? [answer: about 2]

Problem #10. The rain is forecast to continue until Saturday. How many more drinks will Geoviki need to get through this? [answer: at least one more, and right now.]